SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Brave,

No flaming here. You are entitled to your opinion and I honestly was raised never, ever to strike a woman for any reason. It truly goes against my beliefs and upbringing.

However, please also appreciate that everyone has a breaking point. The horrible abuse heaped on a BS is indescribable and can cause us to break.

I myself (while screaming and calling names at my WW) never even thought to raise a finger against her. Not once, not even when she described a sex act they performed that I didn’t ask details on. She wanted to hurt me and that is seared in my brain and heart to this day. However, the closest I came was when after one of my crying jags, I went outside to see my 10 year old comforting my WW in her arms crying. Through gritted teeth, I mutter no, you will not and ordered my child in the house. It’s bad enough she imploded my kids life with the affair and now she was using them for comfort. I so wanted to slap the shit out of her. But I didn’t because I would stoop to her level.

So my point is, while it’s never okay to hit a woman. It’s understandable how in an affair situation it could happen. Just like an affair is never okay, yet you still hurt you BS. They may not have slap marks but I’d bet the bS would have preferred a slap in the face over the aftermath of an affair. I sure would....

Some that I will not forget:

*You were denying me physical intimacy. (said the woman who, for 5 months was either "too tired" or "didn't feel up to it" and said that she could live the rest of her life without sex)

*I never loved you. (ouch...)

*Why won't you believe me? I'm an honest person. (after 3 days of lies upon lies upon lies and directly after I confronted with a text sent to AP was answered "I didn't send any texts.")

*I thought you hated me and wanted a divorce. (Really? Because that was never even hinted at once.)

*You didn't ask the right questions. (On why she kept lying to me for over a year that it was not just "talking" to the AP.)

And if I thought about it, I'm sure I could remember many more.

I never loved you

Jeeeesus. This is why I didn't ask too many yes/no questions when probing her for any details I could the day after DDay. If I asked "Did you *ever* love me?" and she went silent...I don't even want to know...

Max, he’s pretty disgusted with himself. They weren’t in love, he was a hot mess. She continues to be a train wreck. Serial cheat, horrible employee. An affair of transactions.

He has done the work. Intensive therapy. Major changes. Everyone has noticed. He’s present, mindful and authentic. He lived a phony life for a long time, culminating in the affair when he thought he was king of kings. He was in actuality failing at everything professionally and personally so he ran away, to worse shit. The more he invited toxic people into his life the worse it got. Now good things come to him. He feels like a dumbass for denying himself of a genuine and feeling life for 50 years.

Thank you, Brennan. Like I said, I can understand that in the pain of betrayal, a person can snap in ways they never experienced before. There are definitely stories here that could break anyone. I still think that it's unfortunate and not something to celebrate.

For what it's worth, I am quite sure that you are right, and my BH would rather I had clocked him in the jaw than do what I did.

"Why would WE go to marriage counseling when the problem in our marriage is YOU?"

her: "you never tell me you love me"

me: "yes I do"

her: "yes but you HAVE to say that because you're my husband".

her: "I just want you to know nothing happened with AP until our marriage was already over". (We were still married when she said this.)

Abandoned, that wasn't even a response to a question. That was a statement made when I walked into the bedroom. She just turned around and blurted it out. I was dumbfounded, speechless, and whatever else you want to call it. I just turned around and walked away.

My wife met a guy in a bar and they ended up in a park until day light. Supposedly just kissing. No sex. I did not believe her and accused her of having sex with him. When asked why she said "at least he could buy me a drink." I was unemployed at the time. Then 6 months later she had an affair with my best friend that lasted 3-4 months. I found out about this 36 years later. Her reason was "if I was going to accuse her of being a cheater, she might as well be one."

Northerngal

So he just started to be a human being and a husband

Well done

Boy!! BWs sure don't ask for much

Hopefully he knows how lucky he is

And hopefully he became worthy of you

When, on the 5th consecutive day of discovery, I found out that all cheating had not ended in 2013, that he was currently in 4 affairs, I asked, "Why? How could you? The kids..."

I expressed frustration when he didn't answer. He replied, slouching, staring at the floor, "I'm humiliated..."

YOU'RE humiliated? YOU? I just found out my entire life with you has been a lie. I've been a fool for 17 years...and YOU are humiliated?????

Aaaalways about them. Always.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 3:41 PM, March 29th (Friday)]

He cheated again because I was cold and not very attentive to him after the first series of affairs, instead I made him feel like a piece of crap. Apparently I was supposed to make HIM feel good about himself...

Her reason was "if I was going to accuse her of being a cheater, she might as well be one."

Change the pronouns, and I got this one off my WS. Problem is, it was a few years after his A, which I didn't know about. I was reacting to his over-interest in a different friend/colleague. Wonder if this *does* mean he shagged her too? He's never admitted it, but then again, he didn't admit the EA+PA until the day after OW told me.

“He is 13 years younger than us and he is really in to me. With him it is all about the excitement and the sexy stuff, with you it is real life. You can’t compete with that.”

She was actually trying to make me feel better when uttering this nonsense. It was her way of explaining that there was nothing wrong with me or our marriage.

Before DDay:

"ILYBINILWY"

"I don't love you. I don't think I ever did" (after 25 years of marriage she later said was 90% good)

"I don't want to hurt you, steady."

Me: What do you mean. There's more.

Her: No. I just don't want to hurt you.

She didn't want to hurt him even more, I guess, because she fucked him frequently -whenever he called and I need a fuck - actually, what he really asked if she could come over but that's what he meant. The poor guy's wife left him because she caught him fucking another woman so he wasn't getting any fucking. Florence Nightingale. She fucked him for another year.

The very first thing out of her mouth when accused on DDay was "Yeah, I did it". Said in a way like what are you going to do about it. Cold, factual.

She was actually trying to make me feel better when uttering this nonsense. It was her way of explaining that there was nothing wrong with me or our marriage.

That's just cold.

My wife was the same way. It just doesn't register with them that they are no longer the prize.

As I am crumbling in pain, asking why he slept with another woman and had a 1.5 year affair:

"I honestly thought you wouldn't care."

Near constant criticism of my work hours, telling me I am too busy for my family. Yet the woman he chose was on deployment away from her family for 10 months, betraying her own husband and kids? Hmm. When I asked him recently not to volunteer for another deployment, he said "Your late work hours are just like a deployment." Yes, me being home every evening and weekend is JUST like you being gone for 10-11 months and sleeping with other people.

I said it's not fair to the kids for you to go on yet another long deployment. He said, "But what is fair to me?"

The man who had everything... beautiful home, a loyal wife who adored him, adorable kids. He threw it all away and is turning his back on the carnage. Then he wants to know what is fair to HIM.

"She reminded me of the way you and I used to be." Oh like when we were carefree and before kids, mortgages, etc?

As I am crying and he is on his way out the door for a work event weekend at a hotel where OW will be. "Nothing will happen. Trust me. Nothing will happen." (They fucked. Again. My tears meant nothing to him).

As he is dropping off the kids at my house, our 3yo daughter wanted more hugs. I let her go run to him for more hugs. He yelled at me, why didn't I know how emotionally hard it was on him to say goodbye to the kids? Yes, I'm sorry the consequences of your affair are very painful. For all of us.

[This message edited by Coffeecloud at 7:46 AM, March 30th (Saturday)]

These were all over the past 6 weeks of multiple D-Days.

ILYBINILWY.

I felt pressured by everyone into marrying you (we'd been dating for 8 years before he proposed).

You've gained so much weight I'm not as attracted to you anymore.

Admitting her brought her into our house and our bed.

"I didn't mean to do it" to which I replied, "oh, you mean your dick just fell into her *&#% accidentally?"

[This message edited by ISurvivedSoFar at 8:33 AM, March 30th (Saturday)]

“I don’t love you. I haven’t loved you for a long long time. If I did, this wouldn’t have happened”

A few weeks later -

“I fell in love because I fell out of love with you because of your ways” — this one will haunt me for years.

“I was suffocating in this marriage for the last 3 years. I didn’t even have 1 full happy day with you in the last 3 years” — mind you, these are the 3 years since we have been recovering from his first affair.

Apparently his second affair happened because I was very restrictive since his first affair

The one for me that sticks is when she looked over at me with her cold-black-empty eyes and said "I like to have sex and if I could go out and have sex without feeling the emotional attachment that I do with you, well...." I just stood there and thought, who the hell are you and what did you do with my wife.