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Anybody else go through those days where you can't even look the wayward in the eyes? Can't look at their face? Not because you're afraid you'll slap/punch them, but because you just can't bear to look at the person who would so easily cause you so much pain? Can't bear to look at the face of the person you thought loved you with all their heart and would never hurt you, knowing they are not at all who you thought they were? The person that was destroying your marriage behind your back (through a pregnancy even), all while you suspected something and they told you were worried about nothing, they weren't cheating, actually got angry with you for asking. Years and years (10) of untruths, pushing you away, acting annoyed with you, lack of intimacy, all because they were having their needs met elsewhere. Multiple women, invited into our lives, unbenowest to me.

That's pretty much where I'm at today. I can't bear to look at him.

Yes,

This is why we must detach. Become the stone statue the make us out to be

Minimize interactions

Landclark,

IMO, I think this is normal. The eye avoidance (at least for me) started with anger/rage as you pointed out. Then moved to sadness for what all was destroyed and then for me ended with vulnerability. I just couldn't look her in the eye as that was too vulnerable for me. As I healed, I got past this. There are some days, I still struggle with it to a degree.

This is so familiar. I didn’t even want to hear his voice because nothing he said could be trusted, All those feeling of hurt and the shock of betrayal come screaming back and then the self doubt because I didn’t see the liar in front of me.

Let the 180 work for you. See a therapist to help you regain your strength and perspective.

There are days. There are days.

Some days I can't look at him, some days I want to HB all over him, some days I feel nothing, some days I feel amazing, some days I can't stop crying and some days I remind myself I do not look good in orange.

I did not make eye contact with WH for over 2 months post D. Literally never looked at him.

Finally one day, he actually noticed, and stated a bit surprised, "Look at me.". I forced a glance for a second, then immediately looked away. I couldn't bear look at him at all. He was a complete stranger.

It was probably right around that time I started antidepressants, and was able to function again eventually.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 9:20 AM, August 19th (Monday)]

some days I remind myself I do not look good in orange

Neither do I, so I guess I need to keep this in mind. lol

landclark it is my mantra

Our MC gave us some bullshit script to say to each other while we held hand and faced each other. I couldn't even get the words out of my mouth, something about like you are a good person or some other nonsense that she didn't qualify to hear. Anyway, I just stopped mid sentence and walked away.

Yes. I'm almost three months post DDay 2 (TT) and I have a VERY hard time looking at WH. Even when we are alone. I talk to him but rarely look at him. The intimate eye contact just hurts. Like you said, it's a reminder of the pain.

I try to make eye contact with my WS daily. I'll just stare at her. Stare into her eyes. It's like I'm looking for someone who isn't there anymore. Looking for a soul, looking for my wife. 30 days out, all I see is a stranger looking back at me.

It seems to be getting harder to keep looking now.

I do it quite often because mine has NPD tendencies and broods around the house acting like a victim. I pay no attention to it now.

It’s normal reaction to trauma. My WH noticed it once about 2 months past dday 2 and said that it pains him I can’t even look at him. That’s when I realised that I wasn’t that familiar with his face expressions anymore because I couldn’t look my abuser in the eyes. As sad as it sounds it is very hard to look the person who lied, betrayed you and gaslighted you in the eyes. It’s a normal reaction.

The good news is that it will pass. Acknowledging it (once WH noticed it I thought “I will not fear looking at the person who hurt me” and made an effort to do it) and then as you recover you’ll be able to make eye contact again. I very rarely avoid eye contact these days. On top of that I actually have a routine of looking at my WH before we go to sleep, we go to bed, lay our heads on the pillows and we look at each other for a few minutes in silence before we turn off the light. He seems to like this new routine. We connect that way.

I am actually the opposite. I stare at him and into his eyes. It bugs the crap out of him. Makes him see my pain. Makes him see what he did to me and our family. Makes him feel guilty. I feel like if I avoid him he is getting off easy by not having to see the destruction he caused.

OH - and I DO look good in orange so I have to be really careful lol.

I go through this a lot, especially after one of the triggers. It's hard to believe that someone could look ME in the eye and tell me that they loved me and the next day tell another person the same thing.

Yes, I could barely look at my WH for the first month or two after dday. When we would talk I would often take my glasses off and then he would just become a big blur - I actually recommend this if you have glasses, it's quite helpful.

It did eventually get better for me.

[This message edited by outofsorts at 8:11 PM, August 19th (Monday)]

Yes, I couldn't look at him for a very long time..He seemed fake to me..it made him angry....

THen It moved to his body...I couldn't look at his hands....his penis....his arms...his mouth....the mind movies had taken over.....I had no doubt where these had been....I dodged him...I couldn't let him touch me...lingering cells...nasty dna

on his clothes, his car seats....his keys...his phone...did he wash his hands? I was never a germaphobe....but I became one. I still cant take my eyes off of his fingers. Watching him eat with those hands, disgusted me.

I refused to sit in his recliner.. I wouldn't let my children sit in the recliner...it must be covered with uck….I threw it out as soon as he left....and other pieces ...I have now gotten rid of 90 %..... This may be weird...but its likely.. He literally detailed his truck...because I couldn't bear to sit in it after she rode in my seat. Our butts were mm apart. this stuff is real..

[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 8:32 PM, August 19th (Monday)]

some days I remind myself I do not look good in orange

Neither do I!

Look at him? I just came off a 2 week period of not just being unable to look him in the eye, I couldn't even look in his direction. I made HIM the invisible spouse. No talking. No interaction. Being a narcissist he always winds up starting interactions again. The attention issues ya know.

I can’t stand hearing him talk or breathe either.

Don't even get me started on the snoring. Him sawing logs in blissful slumber as I lay wide awake with my own thoughts - of him and AP.

Telling myself over and over - you don't have the energy for the clean up before work and IDGAF how much Forensic Files you've seen - YOU DO NOT LOOK GOOD IN ORANGE.