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The worst text exchange for me was (ironically) from the time when she had been trying to end the main A.

POS: I can't stop thinking about you. It's so hard how do you do it?

WW: I watch and rewatch our videos. I reread our texts.I think of you, I think of us, and I get off

Why does this hurt so much? Because until after she stopped cheating, she never sent me any texts that were sweet. Until after DDay #1, she never sent me anything sexy. Those 12 bolded words were a gut-punch and a hook to the face at the same time.

SaddestDad

Yes, another level of disrespect that I forgot about. Things done for the other not done for you.

AP was sweet pea, luv bug, dew drop…I never heard that .

Also, I remember a time when she was getting ready to leave the house. Didn’t realize at the time she was going to see AP, but she said she had to be somewhere at x time. I could see the urgency in her as she was getting ready. For me she is ALWAYS late and I NEVER saw her get ready for us to go somewhere with the sense of urgency she had that day. That really sticks with me.

Edited to add: there was one text exchange where they were determining what he should call her, bright eyes was one, sunshine was another. She became "sunshine." I would find texts first thing in the morning "good morning sunshine."

[This message edited by DanielJK at 9:28 AM, February 11th (Thursday)]

@saddestdad I feel that pain. At one point during the A she asked me to not text her so often during the day because she was busy. Took a while to find out what she was busy doing !!!

@daniel

Same here. For the second meet-up she had an actual official reason to be going somewhere. She was panicking that she had to be “immaculate” for that event. I bought her new clothes, planned her journey, bought her train tickets in advance, dropped her off at the station but worst of all, concealed within her bag was a ...... nope not a VAR..... concealed in her bag was a card from me telling her how proud I was of her and a voucher for lunch to make sure she ate because I knew how nervous she was.

🤦‍♂️

Duplicate

[This message edited by TwoDozen at 12:01 PM, February 11th (Thursday)]

Yes,

WH was boinking his AP and complaining about complications in MY pregnancy to her.

She said he made me out to be a hypochondriac.

Gee thanks for that

My baby almost died, spent two weeks in the NICU.

But I am a hypochondriac?

Man you guys are bringing up some ghosts…

I would call my STBXWW at work to beg her not to leave me (yes, I know the pick me dance), but she would say she was busy and did not have time to talk.

At one point I pulled the text records from the wireless provider. On one weekday they sent/received 400 texts…think about that. If you assume the average person is awake for 16 hours, that's one text every 2-3 minutes…but she didn’t have time to talk to me about a life altering event.

[This message edited by DanielJK at 11:20 AM, February 11th (Thursday)]

20yrsagoBS

I dare him to walk up to any parent sitting in a NICU right now and say to their face “your just a hypochondriac.” And see what happens to him. If it were me, he might find himself in the ICU.

If it were me, he might find himself in the ICU.

This made me giggle.

I shared a post on FB today that said:

"To many people not enough voodoo dolls"

Wh replied with 🤔

So i ask him on his break why that emoji and he asks if i have a voodoo doll of him and have been stabbing him in the back since he has bad back pain.

I said....I Wish lmao

DanielJK,

It’s like they’re stupid enough to believe that all the shit talking they do will never come back to haunt them. Raising teenagers in the digital age, I always drilled it into my kids heads that anything they text, post, take/send pics of can and will come back to bite you in the ass if you don’t want it to be public knowledge. So to always remember that before hitting send. Meanwhile it was my 50 year old husband sending and receiving naked pics, texting the most damaging crap to his lying, cheating, town bicycle of a girlfriend young enough to be his daughter. Grow the f up....honestly, some of the crap I read was like they were horned up 14 year olds. Plus, she’s nuts so who knows what she’s done with his pictures. Not that I care. Consequences are a sonofabitch.

I ran a program on his phone to retrieve everything he deleted...best 200 bucks I ever spent just to watch him squirm. He spent 2 years thinking he was too smart to ever get caught. Ha! Think again, dumbass.

EllieKMAS,

Thank you for the kind words....you actually made me tear up when I read your post. His cruel words hurt me so badly still today. The physical part of the betrayal is one thing, but the shitty things they say about us to the shitty humans they are cheating with takes it to a whole new level. It’s like a knife through the heart. I know that my child’s health and happiness being my priority makes me a better person than my H could ever dream of being. It must be horrible being him and having to look in the mirror.

Again, thank you...

Walkingthewire,

Unbelievable. Yeah, they chose to check out. That just isn’t an option for parents! I didn’t realize I married someone who could not be there for me and our child when we needed their support the most. The fiercest advocates I know are the parents who are fighting for their children. It’s what parents do...or rather, should do. It makes me sick that that was the thing he criticized and belittled me for behind my back. And her response being ‘how sad’ infuriated me. ‘How sad’ it must be to be shitty people like them!

"good morning sunshine."

Yup, my WH said that, and "Good morning, beautiful" to more than one OW.

Another real nugget: when they discuss your kids with the AP. The day before the BIG DDay (DDay 1.5) I convinced him to come to the coast with us (me and the kids do stuff together - even nearly 6 yrs post DDay, the kids are surprised when he actually joins us on an outing - even our big trip to Disneyworld! ) and I was so happy to all be together doing something. Noticed he was taking a lot of selfies (fucking ) but otherwise, a really fun day with the fam (the last day I felt truly, unreservedly happy, actually). Next day I find his texts to AP describing how our DD has spent so much time in the ocean that her lips were blue. I was actually in the bathroom struggling with a wet and almost hypothermic kid while he was chatting with the whore about MY kids.

Trapped74

Another wonderful thing they do, discuss the family with the AP.

Talk about bringing in a third party without your knowledge and consent.

One thing that really bugged me was extensive discussions about my dog...it's my fucking dog...she's a cat person and doesn't really like dogs. We got the dog for me and my daughters...geez, leave my little buddy out of your nasty little world.

Anyone else got stories like this where you were mocked or disparaged by WS and AP?

Yes. This is fairly standard behavior for people who betray.

My XWW devalued and dehumanized me and then went on to vilify and demonize me.

In her mind, the more she built up her adultery partner to be the greatest love-of-legends, the more she had to bash me to be greatest of all monsters.

And it all came out of nowhere.

To this day, almost eight years after divorcing her, she still has the psychological need to view me as someone who has done her some great fictional wrong.

This cowardly behavior is nothing more than the mental acrobatics they do to create a sense of justification to themselves for decisions they make that are beyond despicable.

She will always keep me cast in this role of the villain she created because the alternative is that she must face the very real fact that she is a woman who destroyed her family, destroyed her marriage, destroyed her children’s foundation, and put her children through horrific emotional pain for no other reason than acting on all her emotional addictions and extreme selfishness.

My first DDay came as a text to his new "friend." Talking about an experience they had shared through text messages, that I would actually have been really happy and excited about:

STBXWH: We can't tell WP about this. Jealous, you know.

I had done everything in my power to be accepting and welcoming to his new "friend," even though she made my skin crawl.

In that moment I knew the realtionship was not what they had both told me it was, and that it was actually an EA.

A couple of other good ones:

I am here to save you.

I am here to take your pain away.

Sent to her, over and over again, during the time he was actively destroying me and giving me the most pain I have ever endured in my life.

[This message edited by WarriorPrincess at 9:16 AM, February 13th (Saturday)]

Keptmyword

Holy shit did you nail it! Well done!

That’s exactly where I am and guess what? I know that is what is going on in that pea brain of hers and she can take that baggage with her and stew in it for the rest of her life…I’m not, I see right through it. Once I get through the physical separation, I really believe the emotional and mental separation is going to get much easier…to paint me as a monster to justify her actions is appalling and disgusting.

It has nothing to do with us!

Hey, keptmyword’s XWW…go fuck yourself and the horse you rode in on.

WarrirorPrincess

Yeah, you’re not supposed to be jealeous…like it’s some kind of character flaw in YOU??? Unbelievable.

And the anger that ensues from the WS because the BS is jealous. “How dare you take offense to what I am doing?”

And the others you posted, the KISA attitude, you brought up one that I am looking at right now from AP to my STBXWW “…awe you know I would comfort you…comfort you so good…I would like to spoil you.”

By the way, I’ll be thinking about you. I know you’ve recently made a major decision. Sending peace and strength your way.

edit-typos

[This message edited by DanielJK at 10:11 AM, February 13th (Saturday)]

I found evidence of another life I never knew about through objects and various weird shit he left behind: baby oil, a body massager, 2 body piercings in their packet, stuff that made me google drugs paraphernalia and made me go OMG is this guy doing drugs too?? Metal pipes, bongs, torniquets, ziplock bags...

None of this was in our 'lifestyle', not remotely.

Two text messages towards end on his phone, one a random initial and kiss saying 'lovely to see you. Again soon.

Claimed he had no idea, must be wrong number..

I took the number down and later rang a woman who claimed not to know person of STBXH name. Bitch.

Another random message from another vaguely connected to his line of work woman which just said 'loved it'. He said it was a work related video he had shared. Sure. I also later rang her to confront, she was charming, said I'm no husband stealer, not in a million years. Funny, the PI found out this woman split from her husband a few months before text to my ex. And her number was still in his phone eventhough he claimed he had deleted it.

One of the things that bugs me is the feeling our sex life of 20 years meant nothing, or he has rewritten it as a dress rehearsal for his now more fetishistic tastes. Kind of rips up your idea of intimacy.

For me it was the pics.Nothing too explicit just the two of them together with his arm around her and the come hither look they shared with each other That and one other pic I laugh about today when I think of it.It was a selfie of him in the bathroom mirror freshley showered and attempting to look sexy.Obviously not sent to me.

@DanielJK - my cheating husband complained to his affair partner that I was emotionally abusing him because I asked questions and checking his phone and social media accounts.

I also found an exchange on mother's day, a month after they were supposed to be no contact, talking about what he did for me and he was exhausted. He then proceeded to put a heart emoji which he later told me didn't mean he 'loved' her -- because apparently a heart is not a universal symbol for love.

So infuriating.

I found emails where she told him "I love you with all my heart," "I can’t stop thinking about you," and confirmed to him that she wanted to divorce me, something she hadn’t mentioned to me. She signed her emails with a little nickname, a shortened version of her name.

I didn't find anything about me. Like 1stWife, I'm sure that she did; I just didn't catch her doing it.

I did hear her on the audio tell 2 different people (not me) that she loved them. I also heard her describe to one of these men that she was just friends with the other to alleviate his suspicions.

The LTA was originally discovered by my then 14 year old teen. Who had to be the one to tell me.

She had to send me 50+ images of photos of them together, nudes of each other they sent back and forth, quasi pornographic ones of them in bed together [one with his D in her face] and various screenshots of txts and sexts they sent back and forth - some very graphic and explicit.

Some - even include various attempts of him trying to end it and her trying to come back.

That was DDay1 - what she found spanned a 3 year time period.