SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I posted here in April and May when I discovered my long term partner of 13 years was cheating on me with 2 people. We have an 11 year old son and a lot has happened in our fractured lives since D Day April 14th. After trying to reconcile I realized he didn’t really care, and I moved his stuff out April 30th and practiced the hard 180! Very painful but very successful and it got me out of his infidelity triangle. So my son and I hoped that after a separation period somehow he’d come back and be ready to reconcile and recommit to us.......that never happened because he’s a piece of garbage and one of the AP’s is pregnant (I found out on my birthday added bonus)!

I’m getting over him but my son is crushed. So help me friends understand how in 4 months since D Day we are supposed to accept all that has happened including him moving in with his pregnant AP and a sibling coming in January? Still heartbroken but functional

I’m sorry for you and your son.

My advice is counseling for you both - you and your child.

You will never make sense if this illogical situation. But you can move forward and learn to accept this situation.

A proofessional therapist can help you navigate this abandonment. And what is best concerning this OC which will impact your child as well.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 4:19 AM, August 29th (Wednesday)]

Thanks we are both in therapy this pain never seems far away it’s always right there!

Thanks we are both in therapy this pain never seems far away it’s always right there!

You really need to get a support order for your son filed ASAP. A court needs to order him to support his son financially. The petition needs to get filed right away, before the OC is born. Because if the mother of the OC can get a support order in first, all of his income will be used to calculate her support. Then he can claim poverty when your son needs support and you'll be screwed.

Get down to the courthouse right away! It's probably a really simple form you can fill out by hand.

Please do this ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ The timing of filing can be extremely important!!!!

(((Mojojo)))

Child support. Now!

I agree with others about filing for child support immediately, plus consult a family/divorce attorney to find out about about your legal righs regarding child support, child custody and possible alimony and common law marriages in your state/country, in some states like Texas you're considered married after having a relationship and living with your SO for more than 6 months.

Thanks everyone I did file a support petition on May 29th but he hasnt shown up for our court dates and I’m paying for everything !!,

The keep track of your expenses and ask for reimbursement of those as well. I'm glad that you're being proactive about the child support!

Can they get him for contempt for not showing up? Can they rule against him and garnish/suspend license/etc? Maybe ask this question.

I’m 7 years ahead of you, here’s what I’ve learned.

My kids had their Dad leave and replace them with OW’s son. It broke my/their hearts.

We got into counseling-but didn’t tell my WS bc the first IC we used, he went to, and used the info against my son. 2nd time, the counselor helped my child thru everything, bc the counselor was for them, only.

I tried to get them out of town every single time I could, to remember there is a whole world waiting for them.

I told them our property lines were our safe haven- and I kept that promise.

I got a family friend to do guy stuff with them.

I went into debt for their music instruments, and would have done it for any activity, within reason, because it gave them an outlet and a connection to very good male role models- as they were in marching band. They both just got college scholarships for band and scholastics.

Just keep pushing forward. It SUCKS having someone do this to his child. As the years go by, my xh tried his best to manipulate them at every turn, but the IC really helped them stop the BS from their dad.

Keep going to court, this effort now will really help you in the long run pay for the expenses coming your way...

Only a couple months out you are not supposed to get over this. You just put one foot in front of the other. Take as long as you need to heal. Keep up with the therapy. What he did was horrible and traumatic. You surived yesterday, you will survive today and hell yes your going to survive tomorrow.

One day you'll wake up and realize your not just surviving but that your ok. Then one day you'll wake up and realize your thriving. Then finally one day you will wake up and not think about it, you'll just be happy. It takes a lot of qork and a lot of shitty thought processes to get there but your gonna make it.

Its called surviving infidelity for a reason. Your not a victim your a survivor. A victim just takes it, and survivor makes it through.

One day at a time one foot in front of the other.

Thank you, thank you, thank you all SO much! I cant say that enough! I threw him out April 30th but it still feels like yesterday.

Thank you for saying that I’m going to be okay and make it through this! This past week has been difficult it feels like I’ve gone backward in my healing journey. Thank you for saying I’m not a victim but a survivor!

Yesterday was our sons 12th birthday and for the first time ever I couldn’t go to his party due to the order of protection WS has against me for hitting him with a cloth napkin and an egg basket (after I found out about the 2 OW!) Not going to my sons party was so painful. I celebrated with him today instead but it felt after the fact. I can’t wait to get things settled in court for visitation and custody and support.

We are going back to court on the 10th and 14th of September. He has cross petitioned for custody of our son and I suspect it’s because he doesn’t want to pay child support. He can barely take care of himself and my son has told the law guardian that he doesn’t want to live with his dad or do over nights. Last time in court the judge ruled no visitation with the girlfriend present. I’m so happy about that because he’s still in shock and denial. WS hasn’t given me any money at all for his sons food or expenses! I didn’t think he’d be like that but then again I never thought he’d betray

me...I wasn’t even thinking about how important that support orders timing is. Thank you for enlightening me because affair baby is due January 1st. WS drove our friends child home from the bday party and Child’s mother confronted WS at the front door about his new child coming WS was speechless! How do I know this since I wasn’t there? They didn’t know my son could hear them talking and he told me what he heard voluntarily. When they got into the car WS asked our child if Mommy told him about a baby coming? Of course he said no to avoid the backlash, so WS said to him that if I did I was going to suffer the consequences! But then he never had an honest conversation with his son about it! So my son thinks he’s so stupid. Why isn’t WS over joyed about his new child and happy to be living with his new girlfriend his true love?? Why not tell our friends and spread the joy?

They’ve been living together for 3 weeks now It’s not as easy

to hide a pregnancy and a newborn as it is to hide an affair partner. WS is always so angry he’s tied down tighter than

ever and I’ll just bet he still has naked pictures of his other affair partner on his phone!

I’m so glad I didn’t reconcile

Appreciate the thanks (wasnt juat for me) but it is just the truth.

Its so easy to get hung up on whats going on in his life and to try and figure out what he is thinking etc. Realize it wont ever make complete sense. You can generally frame it but since your not a cheater you really will never know how he thinks. He's changed. You d9nt know the new him.

I look at it as though my ex died. I truly dont know the peraon she is now nor do I want to know her. Other than our children we have nothing in common. Since I dont know this new person it becomes strickly business in dealing with her. As cold and emotionless as I can. Are emotions there, sure, but game face goes on any time I have to deal with her.

Doing this and as little contact as possible helps detach and there are no new hurts to get over.

Remember he isnt past of your life anymore. The less mental space you give him the more you will have for you and that is whats important. Remember everytime you get stuck that thinking about him is wasted time from you and your kids. Be selfish about that.

When they got into the car WS asked our child if Mommy told him about a baby coming? Of course he said no to avoid the backlash, so WS said to him that if I did I was going to suffer the consequences!

Oh, my word. This guy sounds like a psycho to say that to his own son. I'm glad you are away from him. Stay strong and good luck!

He really does have issues I’m glad he’s out of my home

I’m going to child support court tomorrow please pray that I get some! It’s been 4 months since I threw him out for cheating! I’m really hoping for court ordered child support even a temporary order because I’m struggling to pay for everything. Like you all have advised the timing is important ecause affair baby is on the way!

I’m going to child support court tomorrow please pray that I get some! It’s been 4 months since I threw him out for cheating! I’m really hoping for court ordered child support even a temporary order because I’m struggling to pay for everything. Like you all have advised the timing is important ecause affair baby is on the way!