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TwoDozen ( member #74796) posted at 3:34 PM on Saturday, December 26th, 2020
I feel so bad for you brother. If it helps, plenty of thortful gifts and a well chosen and well penned Xmas card havnt really lifted the cloud for me, so In some ways I envy you because as you said, she made your decision easier for you
Hope the journey goes okay
Strength brother.
2D
Edited to say I can spell thoughtful, it’s seems autocorrect cannot.
[This message edited by TwoDozen at 9:35 AM, December 26th (Saturday)]
nekonamida ( member #42956) posted at 3:48 PM on Saturday, December 26th, 2020
TiF, I'm so sorry. I'll never understand how she's able to sleep at night while depriving you of any happiness and appreciation on special days from her. What a disappointment.
This0is0Fine (original poster member #72277) posted at 6:32 PM on Saturday, December 26th, 2020
I promised more.
So Christmas Eve. I make breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a dessert/confection for the trip. Easily 4 hours of meal preparation. And got snacks for the trip from the grocery store.
I also cleaned and helped pack for the kids.
WW helped clean and did laundry, but also spent about three hours working despite having the day off (no not talking to OM, verified).
So just starting from there, totally assymetrical levels of effort.
For her, I bought presents early enough to get them in with standard ground shipping. No last minute bitch gift.
She gets nothing for me. Is panicking we didn't get enough for the kids. Ends up buying gifts for them last minute. Gifts that she vetoed me buying on Black Friday for $20 cheaper...
While traveling she said there is no one else she'd rather be dealing with being stranded with than me. I just grunted back more or less. She observed I probably would rather be not dealing with this at all. Yeah.
Just not a great couple days. Just have to make it a little longer.
Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.
EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 6:52 PM on Saturday, December 26th, 2020
Just not a great couple days. Just have to make it a little longer.
seems like it's been not a great several months now. What are you holding on for?
"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger
"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park
DanielJK ( member #75654) posted at 7:22 PM on Saturday, December 26th, 2020
I feel for you. Your signature line says it all.
Gonna be hard to live like that. There's 7 billion people in the world and we end up with these fuck ups. God help us.
I wish you the best. We all have our breaking points
BH 51
STBXWW 53
2 daughters, 14 and 16
Filed for divorce 12/23/2020
After a year of hell I finally moved out (5/26/2021).
Divorce still pending.
This0is0Fine (original poster member #72277) posted at 7:48 PM on Saturday, December 26th, 2020
Seems like it's been not a great several months now. What are you holding on for?
Literally just finishing a trip, getting home and settled, then filing. I'm done.
Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.
EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 7:57 PM on Saturday, December 26th, 2020
(((Tif)))
I know how hard you've fought. But the only way R works is if you and your ws are fighting together and she's never been in the ring with you.
You've done everything you could. Cold comfort I know but at least you know that. Moving on is tough but you're choosing to put yourself first and to take a huge step forward in your healing. Speaking for myself, making the decision to divorce was so hard, but life has done nothing but improve since I made it. I hope the same for you.
"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger
"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park
WontBeFooledAgai ( member #72671) posted at 8:21 PM on Saturday, December 26th, 2020
I am sorry to read this update This0Is0Fine. You gotta do what you gotta do man. Did your WW tell you why she got you nothing for Christmas? I mean, maybe she spent all her money on the "anniversary" weekend, but geeze not even a card...?!?...
It sounds like you are already decided though and I certainly cannot disagree w your choice!
[This message edited by WontBeFooledAgai at 2:24 PM, December 26th (Saturday)]
This0is0Fine (original poster member #72277) posted at 8:23 PM on Saturday, December 26th, 2020
Not even a card.
What's worse is it's a pattern.
Valentine's: nothing
Birthday: nothing/extremely last minute
Christmas: nothing
100% taken for granted.
Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.
siracha ( member #75132) posted at 8:54 PM on Saturday, December 26th, 2020
What you have on your hands is a child right now and not a spouse . You deserve better , hope 2021 brings you much better luck and maybe better strategy too . I am very aorry for her too but her head seems rather firmly lodged....... at least some of that is a deliberate decision .
smolderingdark ( member #64064) posted at 11:15 AM on Sunday, December 27th, 2020
You were given a gift. One that she did not intend. Clarity.
100% taken for granted.
BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 2:29 PM on Monday, December 28th, 2020
Smoldering Dark is spot on.
If you’re wondering why she pulled out all the stops for your anniversary just to blow you off at Christmas, the explanation is simple: The anniversary celebrations were for her enjoyment, not yours.
BW, 40s
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried
I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 4:28 PM on Monday, December 28th, 2020
You were given a gift. One that she did not intend. Clarity.
AMEN!
You deserve so much more. Glad you are seeing it.
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
Thumos ( member #69668) posted at 4:34 PM on Monday, December 28th, 2020
Really sorry she could not even step up with this bare minimum of care for you, TIF
The anniversary celebrations were for her enjoyment, not yours.
Yep and the birthday and Christmas slights are intentional as well. Like a child acting out and trying to hurt.
[This message edited by Thumos at 10:35 AM, December 28th (Monday)]
"True character is revealed in the choices a human being makes under pressure. The greater the pressure, the deeper the revelation, the truer the choice to the character's essential nature."
BH: 50, WW: 49 Wed: Feb.'96 DDAY1: 12.20.16 DDAY2: 12.23.19
This0is0Fine (original poster member #72277) posted at 4:54 AM on Sunday, January 10th, 2021
Update: I'm drunk. Lovebombing is totally working on me. We talked divorce for two days. Than she got all lovey and did a bunch of nice stuff. And it's totally working for me. I'm pathetic. Hahahahaha!
Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.
BigNoob ( member #75807) posted at 5:22 AM on Sunday, January 10th, 2021
TIF, every time I had a thought about getting back with my Ex WWGF, I had a list prepared of all she did to me, so I stayed on course with the breakup.
1. Having an emotional affair.
2. Blake shifting like no other. When she held 50% of the relationship problem
3. Gaslighting. I thought I was paranoid for a good month.
4. Sleeping with the other man.
5. Trickle truth.
6. Tried to slander me by telling friends I cheated.
Don't give in to your wife's half-assed attempts.
[This message edited by BigNoob at 11:23 PM, January 9th (Saturday)]
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 6:49 AM on Sunday, January 10th, 2021
You are not pathetic you just want to believe she’s a good person but she’s not. Hopium set me back for years until my mental health took a dive.
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
Stevesn ( member #58312) posted at 1:04 PM on Sunday, January 10th, 2021
Oy. Not the update I was hoping for. When you sober up come back and let us know what is going on.
fBBF. Just before proposing, broke it off after her 2nd confirmed PA in 2 yrs. 9 mo later I met the wonderful woman I have spent the next 30 years with.
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 1:53 PM on Sunday, January 10th, 2021
Ok so today is a new day.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Drink q big glass of water or Gatorade.
Now with the love bombing is she actually making changes or just making you feel better?
How much are you willing to tolerate?
If the changes are real what next?
Don't beat yourself up. Remember the wrongs she has committed and if what she is doing now is just manipulation then remember that and start over on the good old 180. Not many people were able to just do it and didn't backside. This is a lifetime of habits that you are trying to unlearn.
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 2:50 PM on Sunday, January 10th, 2021
She's very predictable. And so are. This has happened,several times. You say you are done,she love bombs, you decide she's getting it,and give it another chance. Lather,rinse,repeat.
But she's not getting it. She's laying it on thick. She is manipulating you.
Only you can stop this.
[This message edited by HellFire at 8:51 AM, January 10th (Sunday)]
But you are what you did
And I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive
The smallest man who ever lived..
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